Entry Two

Regarding sleeplessness, recovery and regret.

That whole weird dream fiasco got me thinking about my childhood altogether. It was… really shit, to be honest. Growing up in a neglectful household is a horrible experience, and it's almost more so now that I'm older and able to understand the effects it left on me. For example, I've gone through many relationships (romantic and otherwise) which I couldn't maintain, and I’ve fallen into a habit of regretting these lost friends and romantic partners right as i’m about to fall asleep. Yes, I've gotten better with time and major therapy, for both this and other issues, but it's still a problem.

Both for that reason, and the reason that Melody is a night owl, I can never seem to get a good night's sleep. Oh, and because of the recent realisation that I am a terrible person, and have unintentionally manipulated my friends into believing in a false version of me as a defence mechanism. Sometimes I regret getting help, because now I not only have to experience these things, but I understand them too. Ignorance is bliss, I guess.