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I Saw the TV Glow


Major content warnings: Internalized transphobia, abuse (implied), self-harm (used as metaphor) and very mild gore. Stay safe!

Word count: 2734


I Saw the TV Glow (which I will be abreviating to ISTTVG) is a surreal psychological horror movie written and directed by Jane Schoenbrun (they/them) and released 3rd May 2024. The movie follows teenagers Owen and Maddy (who I will be refering to as she/her and they/them respectively due to their stories) who bond over a shared love of a TV show called 'The Pink Opaque', a Buffy the Vampire Slayer inspired 'monster of the week' show aired at 10:30pm every Friday. However, the show is suddenly cancelled the same week Maddy runs away from home, leaving it on a cliffhanger with no season 6 in sight. The movie delves into using methods of escapism to repress the gender dysphoria which Owen (and implied Maddy) are feeling.


Plot overview


The movie begins with Owen and her mother at the local high school, Void High School, on vote night. It's established that Owen has asthma and after they place their vote Owen wanders around the school and eventually comes into the cafeteria where the deinflated inflatable planetarium lays on the ground. At the end of the room Maddy is sitting reading their copy of The Pink Opaque episode guide. Owen goes to ask them about the book, and Maddy explains bits of the show to her, that Isabel and Tara are the Pink Opaque, that they met at a sleepaway camp, that they have a psychic connection where they can communicate via 'the psychic plane' and that they fight monsters sent by the villain Mr Melancholy together from across the country to save people from being trapped in a prison called 'The Midnight Realm'. They both have a tattoo on their necks of a pink ghost with 2 circles which are either eyes or glasses. They tell Owen how much they love the planetarium and how it feels like the school becomes someplace else on election night and that Owen should watch the show, but it's on after her bedtime so Maddy convinces her to come for a sleepover.

Owen asks her mother to have a sleepover round another kid, Johnny Link's, house. When her mom drops her off and leaves she instead walks to Maddy's house where them and their friend are getting ready to watch The Pink Opaque together. She comes in and watches the episode with them and she is immediately sucked in by the show. When it ends she stays at Maddy's house and they talk about the show. Maddy tells Owen that, sometimes, The Pink Opaque feels more real than real life, and then they both go to bed. When Owen is walking back the next morning she imagines Isabel walking through the trees at the sleepaway camp looking happy and content.

2 years later, Maddy has been leaving tapes of the episodes for Owen in the darkroom at the school so that she can watch the show. Owen claims that she never had the courage to talk to Maddy much after the first sleepover, though it is later shown that they did see each other more than she lets on. Owen goes to talk to Maddy on the bleachers at the school and she asks if they still talked to their old friend, but Maddy replies that they haven't talked to her in a year because she outed them as a lesbian and claimed that they tried to touch her chest. They ask Owen if she likes boys or girls, and Owen responds that thinking about it makes her feel like she's taking a shovel to her insides and that she's too scared to open herself up and check. Maddy says that maybe she's like Isabel, "Afraid of what's inside" her.

Owen comes for another sleepover at Maddy's house and Maddy breaks down crying in the middle of the episode of the Pink Opaque that they're watching. When the episode ends Maddy tells Owen about their plan to run away from home and that they'll "die if I stay here". Owen is upset because then she wont have anyone to watch The Pink Opaque with and Maddy comes to sit with her and draws the pink opaque tattoo on the back of her neck. They tell her to run away with them. However, Owen is too scared and scrubs the drawing off of her neck in the morning. She comes clean to Johnny Link's mother about pretending to stay at their house. Days later, Maddy disapears and all they leave behind is their TV set burning in the back garden.

Years later in 2006 Owen still lives with her father, her mother has died of cancer and she works at a local movie theatre where she looks even more distant than before. On the way home from work one night she comes across a downed powerline with pages of The Pink Opaque episode guide scattered around it, all with descriptions of the never filmed season 6. While picking up groceries Maddy reappears and they take Owen to a local bar where they explain that they've been inside of The Pink Opaque, that they are Tara and Owen is Isabel and that they need to go back there together. Owen leaves but agrees to meet Maddy at their old high school. Owen rewatches the season 5 finale that night. In it, Mr Melancholy lures Isabel back to the sleepaway camp where Tara is calling for help, but when she gets there Tara had already been captured. Mr Melancholy feeds her the luna joice, which will trap her in the midnight realm, and then his minions burry her alive. After watching it Owen tries to shove her head inside of the TV but her father pulls her out and shoves her head over the bath, full of boiling water. Owen screams how this isn't her home and how Frank isn't her father.

She meets Maddy inside of the inflatable planetarium in the gym a while after this and Maddy explains that they lived all around America but no matter where they went everything still felt wrong, like time wasn't moving right. Eventually they paid someone to bury them alive. When they dug their way out they found that they were Tara again, back at the sleepaway camp. They explain that them and Owen/Isabel need to bury themselves alive again so that they can escape being trapped in the midnight realm. After hearing the story Owen says that Maddy's story is insane but follows them out to the field. At the last minute she tackles Maddy/Tara to the ground and runs away. Owen locks herself inside of her house because she's scared of Maddy coming back to force her underground, but in the years after she still wonders if they were right and she was really somebody else. She gets married and has children, who she says she loves very much. When she decides to rewatch the Pink Opaque it seems nothing like it was before and she dissasosiates watching it.

Years later, Owen is working at an entertainment place still living in the same place as she did before and her asthma has gotten very bad. While helping celebrate a child's birthday party she breaks down crying and screaming and rushes to the bathroom. When there, she takes a box-cutter and cuts open her chest where she see's TV static and looks genuinely happy. She leaves and starts apologising to everyone for getting upset and the movie ends.


A very biased and personal movie review


There are so many things that I could say about I Saw the TV Glow and why I love this movie so much that I'm not sure that I could fit it all into just one review. For one, the movie looks stunning, filmed on 35mm film which makes the colours look gorgeous. The aesthetic qualities of the movie add to how lonely the story makes you feel. The colours grow dimmer as Owen slowly resigns herself to a life of rejecting her transness in favour of the safety of being in the closet, visually symbolised as her putting out the fire which she is seen sitting by at various intervals throughout the movie; literally dousing her spark of hope and joy because it's too terrifying to consider transition. Owen never looks present even as a child while she still has some of that joy. She zones out while her mother calls to her in the school and dissasociates thinking about The Pink Opaque while walking home from Maddy's house. I Saw the TV Glow manages to feel so lonely and so miserable but, somehow, still brings me so much comfort when watching the first half of the movie. I didn't grow up in the subberbs or in the US, I didn't go to an American high school, yet this movie relates to me more than any other I've watched in recent years.

Owen and Maddy represent diferent people's reactions to gender dysphoria. Maddy left home thinking that the feelings of suffocation were from where they lived, but no matter where they went they still felt like they were suffocating to death. The metaphor of burying yourself alive acts as a representation of being unable to ignore that nagging feeling inside of you any longer, that you need to do something to get it out. So you bite the bullet, and you take the first steps and it feels terrifying and liberating all at once. Maddy buries themself alive, they take the first steps, and they emerge as Tara. As Owen puts it, "someone beautiful and powerful".

Owen is the exact opposite. She knows that something is wrong but refuses to acknowledge it. Every time an opportunity to accept herself is granted to her she rejects it out of fear, siting that it won't be real if she doesn't think about it. The Pink Opaque becomes a crutch rather than a coping mechanism and allows her to imagine herself as a completely different person rather than becoming who she wants to be. Maddy tells her that, if she ever wants to feel whole, she has to bury herself alive and take the first steps but she can't bring herself to do it. She's too terrified of what the world will think of her, what her father and her peers would think, to embrace herself and emerge as Isabel. She keeps voluntarily taking the luna juice in the form of her inhaler to stay ignorant to the reality of her situation until she has no choice but to face it in the bathroom of her work because she is literally dying. Maddy comes back to the place which almost killed them to help their friend discover the joy of being herself only to leave without her.

The visual imagery of Owen literally cutting herself open to see what was always inside of her makes my skin crawl whenever I think about it. It's the first time we see Owen genuinely smile in the entire movie, only to be followed by her immediately returning to the repression she's learnt over the course of her life. Maddy tells Owen to never apologise, but she apologises for her outburst to people who aren't even listening to her. During her breakdown everybody around her shuts down and nobody reacts to her screams of anguish. Nobody is listening to her even as years and years of interal pain force their way out of her throat. The end of the movie is left ambiguous as to wether or not Owen finds her way out of the midnight realm. Does she reunite with Tara? Does she finally become Isabel, like she's always been inside? There's no definitive answer, but I choose to believe she did. Maybe Owen ran out of the fun center and buried herself alive. Maybe she stayed just a little longer to see if she could ignore it, but ultimately realised she was losing the battle. Either way, I can't help but hope for an optimistic ending for such a bleak yet hopeful movie because, as Maddy leaves the subberbs for one last time, they give Owen a final message: There is still time.


The egg crack moment


I Saw the TV Glow didn't crack my egg. In fact, I don't think there was one singular moment. It was the little things; desperately wanting boys trousers for school and claiming they were just unisex, being intensely passionate on trans rights, using all manner of different names online where none of them were girls names and getting genuinely upset when masculine women in shows showed too much femininity. My younger teenage years were marked by a lot of stress which prevented me from much introspection, but looking back now the signs are clear as day. I Saw the TV Glow, however, did come at a very important time in my life. Winter of 2025. I was angry and depressed, terrified that I could never come out to my parents without having them no longer see me the same anymore. I was terrified that my friends really just hated me and were pretending to like me because they pitied me. I worked up the courage to watch the movie after a year of not wanting to touch it and all of that loneliness related to me. It clicked in my head and gave me something to compare my experiences to when all I'd seen was other trans people being so confident in their identities and not caring what others would think. But it also gave me a question which wracked my mind for weeks after:

What if I end up like Owen?

It ate me up inside so much that I barely talked to my friends even when I was around them. I couldn't stop looking to a future where I deny my transness out of a fear of change. And alongside that was imposter syndrome, this idea that I had somehow deluded myself into believing I was trans when I really wasn't, that I was just too stubborn to admit that I was just wrong about the whole thing, and it clashed with these feelings hard. I was scared of both being trans and not being trans at the same time. I was scared that I was just one of those confused, traumatised women which transphobes talk about to disprove transmasculinity. I was scared that being too masculine would drive away my mainly female group of friends and that being too feminine disproved my transness as false. I was so scared of every outcome that the one which would bring me joy wasn't clear to me anymore.

For a while I couldn't interact with I Saw the TV Glow without it bringing about a feeling of dread. It took me until a few months ago to rewatch the movie so that I could begin making this page. But revisiting it with a clear head made me appreciate it all the more. Everything you see in the above review is a product of months of coming to terms with my transness and analyzing the parts of the movie which either connected with me or other trans people. The egg crack moment may not have been obvious for me but it sure as hell was for a lot of other people who've shared their experiences online, some of which I find very interesting and will link at the end of this section. Hearing about how, for some people, their lives were similiar to Owen for a time but they came out the other side as Isabel made me appreciate this movie not just for what it means to me, but what it means to the people like me who've had diferent experiences. I think that I Saw the TV Glow can connect with a large group of queer people. wether your trans, gay, lesian, bi or any other orientation or gender identity, if you've struggled to accept yourself I think there will be moments that comfort or unsettle you in some way or another. This movie is often a "you love it or you hate it" kind of experience, as I've seen in the variety of diferent reviews and opinions across the internet, but regardless I think it deserves a chance and a good few rewatches. Who knows? Maybe it'll lead you to your very own egg crack moment, or make you reflect on whats inside of you a little more.


resources


This is a collection of online content about I Saw the TV Glow which will probably offer a bit more of an in-depth look into the intricacies of the movie than I could offer, as well as some LGBTQ+ Resource pages for anybody curious.